A fan walks into a meta cafe
by Loethlin
Summary: Collection of drabbles, responses to crossover drabble prompt on Mass Effect Kink Meme.
1. Leather, Star Trek TOS

Anon on Mass Effect Kink Meme asked for crossover drabbles. Here are my fills.

* * *

The beer was cool and bitter on his tongue, music thumped sensual rhythm in his ears.

He felt fulfilled right in that moment, with his drink, his music, his luxurious, lucky jacket.

He almost ignored the gentle bump on his shoulder. But the delicious squeak of leather on leather snapped him to attention.

He regarded the man next to him, leaning over the bar.

"Nice jacket," he said.

A pair of blue eyes gave him a once-over.

"Thanks. Yours is cool too."

They clicked the necks of their beer bottles together.

"I'm Jim Kirk."

"John Shepard."


	2. Fascinating! Star Trek: Enterprise

"This is fascinating!" says Liara, curiously studying the Vulcan in front of her.

One eyebrow raised, T'Pol looks at the asari with the same curiosity. She notes the blue skin, the tendrils, lack of ears and most of all, the telepathic aura surrounding the woman.

Blue fingers stretch out, touching her pointed ear. She jerks her head back, embarrassed. Her mind almost reached out to connect with the touch.

"But you proposed exchange of data," Liara says. "The Meld would be the most efficient."

T'Pol tries hard to keep regret out of her voice.

"I cannot."


	3. He'll do, Forgotten Realms

_For the anon who prompted me to write about Urdnot Tarrasque Riders._

* * *

"Two pairs. Pay up."

"How about I'll just buy us another round."

"Works for me."

Artemis watched the other assassin rise and walk towards the bar. Faint buzzing of his cybernetics was still disconcerting. He twirled a strand of his hair between his fingers.

His pondering was interrupted by Kai Leng's return, with drinks! His was glowing blue. It also had a twist of lemon and a frilly umbrella.

"It's just Gin & Tonic," said Kai Leng, looking down demurely. "The umbrella is from me."

Artemis regarded the man. Was he blushing?

Today, he'll do.


	4. I rescued it! Star Wars

Soft buzz filled the room as she activated the device. She gave it a few experimental swings, trying very hard not to hit anyone in the process. The stable beam of energy cut through the air with thunderous swishes and flashes of blue.

Shepard deactivated the contraption and weighted the handle in her hand. It was so light, not heavier than that knife Tali liked to carry strapped to her leg.

She looked at Kasumi sharply.

"Where did you get it?"

"In a bar," the thief said, giggling nervously. "Some old, robed fart left it lying around."


	5. Huskify your life! Cthulhu mythos

"_Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn,_" intoned the robed silhouette.

Darkness was only brightened by several candles, but it was just enough to see the shadows stir in the middle of the circle. The cultists raised their hands up eagerly, awaiting His coming.

The shadows fluttered and fled as the blue light shone brighter and brighter.

The luminosity was blinding, so much so the hooded people in the room covered their eyes. It was to be expected, after all, they did just call upon the mind of one of The Old Ones.

"BWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRMMMMMM!"

The cultists cowered.

"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!"


	6. Only in London, Harry Potter

Someone had to, you just know it.

* * *

The Cannibals just kept on coming.

Garrus popped up from the cover, aimed and took the shot. Ducking back again, he didn't have the time to see the splash of red as the headless monster dropped to the ground.

"Nice o-" Shepard's yell was cut short by an unearthly, haunting wail.

"Oh crap! Banshee!"

They peeked up to see said Banshee, only to be momentarily blinded by a glowing, white stag charging at it. It was followed by a short, scrawny kid.

The Banshee staggered.

"Expelliarmus!" yelled the kid and waved a stick at it.

The Banshee dropped dead.


	7. Turn the heat up! Martha Stewart Show

Anon on Mass Effect Kink Meme said: _captcha: tryLess heat -haha Now I'm thinking of Garrus cooking._

* * *

The heat of the studio lights was awful. He couldn't believe his cake would look even remotely edible in this awful, burning heat.

He twitched nervously in his seat as Martha continued to dissect his and Shepard's family life. Was Jane happy with their adopted baby?

"I understand you learned a recipe for Jane's favourite chocolate cake?" Martha finally said as one of the cameras focused on Shepard smiling and waving enthusiastically from the front row.

He jumped up and rushed to the stove.

"That's right! The first step is pre-heating your oven!" he said, cranking the heat to max.


End file.
